Favre’s back for another _______ year

first_imgBrett Favre is coming back.Cheeseheads and NFC free safeties everywhere are wringing their hands in excitement and anticipation. However — as often is the problem with Favre — public opinion is split as to whether a 17,000th campaign by the stubbled signal-caller is indeed a good thing. Oddly enough, Favre — one of the most universally admired athletes of his generation — is more of a polarizing figure than Bobby Knight or the Backstreet Boys (circa 1999), when the subject of retirement is breached.Everybody has an opinion on the matter, but only a select few — like yours truly — get to actually express it in a public forum. No more!Rather than be the gatekeeper of opinion and barrier to the voice of the people, my column is now yours, to write as you choose — with some limitations of course. So then, how should we view Favre’s return?Winter in Wisconsin just got a little (comparative adjective) last week as Green Bay quarterback Brett Favre announced he will return for a 17th season. The move is about as surprising as (analogous situation), especially considering the way Favre ended the season (“-ing” verb) like a (noun).No. 4 in green and gold said he is excited to play for a young and talented team next season, praising his (adjective) offensive line and the Packers’ (adjective) defense. Such comments should be taken as seriously as mandates delivered by (person).The fact is the Packers — coming off a (adjective) 8-8 record — are destined for (destiny), thanks to (adjective) personnel moves by Ted Thompson, coupled with the inevitable (adjective) play of (Favre nickname).Anyone who thinks the Southern Miss graduate is coming back just to break the records of the NFL’s all-time most prolific passer, Dan Marino, is (right/wrong). A championship is the (adjective) thing on Favre’s mind. I mean, how could anyone think Favre is coming back just to (accomplishment)? Take one look at his (noun) and it’s easy to see his motivation.The (color)-clad faithful at Lambeau Field will surely fill the stands of the Frozen Tundra to watch their hero heave bombs (adverb) down the field into the waiting arms of (person), en route to shattering the all-time record for (statistic).Much like (player), Favre will close out his career riding off into the (place) following a (occasion).I have a sneaking suspicion of what most Wisconsinites will be filling in these blanks with. It will probably look something like this:Winter in Wisconsin just got a little warmer last week as Green Bay quarterback Brett Favre announced he will return for a 17th season. The move is about as surprising as Tim Doyle being named Player of the Year, especially considering the way Favre ended the season crying like a baby. No. 4 in green and gold said he is excited to play for a young and talented team next season, praising his improving offensive line and the Packers’ timely defense. Such comments should be taken as seriously as mandates delivered by Mother Teresa. The fact is, the Packers — coming off an exceptionally impressive 8-8 record — are destined for the Super Bowl thanks to shrewd personnel moves by Ted Thompson, coupled with the inevitable superb play of the God of the Dairy State.Anyone who thinks the Southern Miss graduate is coming back just to break the records of the NFL’s all-time most prolific passer, Dan Marino, is chowing down on too much glue. A championship is the only thing on Favre’s mind. I mean, how could anyone think Favre is coming back just to set records? Take one look at his right ring finger and it’s easy to see his motivation.The green-and-gold-clad faithful at Lambeau Field will surely fill the stands of the Frozen Tundra to watch their hero heave bombs beautifully down the field into the waiting arms of Donald Driver en route to shattering the all-time record for touchdowns and wins.Much like John Elway, Favre will close out his career riding off into the sunset following a second Super Bowl championship.Just for fairness’ sake, let’s take a look at what my Favre-lib looks like:Winter in Wisconsin just got a little more miserable last week as Green Bay quarterback Brett Favre announced he will return for a 17th season. The move is about as surprising as an Oprah guest tearing up, especially considering the way Favre ended the season bawling like an Oprah guest.No. 4 in green and gold said he is excited to play for a young and talented team next season, praising his Kleenex-esque offensive line and the Packers’ Texas Tech style defense. Such comments should be taken as seriously as mandates delivered by Nick Satan, err Saban.The fact is, the Packers — coming off a miraculous 8-8 record — are destined for the NFC North graveyard thanks to inept personnel moves by Ted Thompson, coupled with the inevitable crippling play of the Ironman of INT’s.Anyone who thinks the Southern Miss graduate is coming back just to break the records of the NFL’s all-time most prolific passer, Dan Marino, is right on the money. A championship is the last thing on Favre’s mind. I mean, how could anyone think Favre is coming back just to win a title? Take one look at his roster and his statistics and it’s easy to see his motivation.The blaze-orange-clad faithful at Lambeau Field will surely fill the stands of the Frozen Tundra to watch their hero heave bombs blindly down the field into the waiting arms of (pick your opposing defender) en route to shattering the all-time record for interceptions and pick-6s.Much like Rex Grossman, Favre will close out his career riding off into the angry mob following an announcement he’s coming back again… in 2008.Dave McGrath is a senior double majoring in English and journalism. He still has hope Dan Marino’s records will hold up beyond ’07. If you don’t share his optimism, don’t bother contacting him at dmcgrath@badgerherald.comlast_img